recruitment in government

i’m so stoked for our presentation to the executives this afternoon. it’s been a massive challenge but definitely looking forward to it hey guys, i’m just heading downstairs for my paleo pear and banana bread would you like to join me? no thanks that’s a little bit fancy for me i’m actually off to an aboriginal and torres strait islander staff networking meeting. ok then see you. so how are you finding the program?

it’s pretty great to be honest. i’ve been here less than a year and i never thought that i’d be working on a project supporting the modernisation program across government. awesome, i’m working on a project in property and construction. hey, are you going to the young leaders network dinner tonight? yeah, i wouldn’t miss it. the last one was great.

hey claire. hi david i had a look at your report yesterday, great stuff. thanks. we’re all really looking forward to the grad presentation this arvo thanks david, no pressure or anything. hey rina, i got this for ya. oh thanks hey, this year’s grads are real game changers i’ve heard some fantastic reports about their work. they’re certainly hit the ground running well actually i should say sprinting.

i’ve got two graduates working on projects in my division and they’re just had such a great impact on the team. that’s terrific. it’s really great that we can talk to executives like that yeah totally. hey eddie. hey guys i feel really good about my part of the presentation with the executive this afternoon, there was heaps of good stuff

on e-learning which really helped me. hey buddy. sorry i’ve gotta do that every time it’s because we’re in the buddy program. have you had a run through with all the other grads? yeah we had one yesterday at lunch time, tom couldn’t make it so we just skyped him in, but it all seems to be coming together now. great, can’t wait to hear all about it,

good luck buddy. hi guys. hi teena so, you finalising your presentation? yep, nearly there. looking forward to it. me too. hey dane, you mentor jenna don’t you? i do yes. i think her capabilities would be a really good match with budget serge team. can you suss her out and see if she’s interested? great, thanks. see ya.

hey jenna, i just had a quick chat to teena and she asked me if you would be interested in joining the budget surge team, what do you think? oh yeah. that would be brilliant. good afternoon everyone, it’s great to see you all this afternoon. we’ve had lots of positive feedback about your work across the different projects. from my first look i can see that you’ve built many of the skills that i know will stand you in good stead for future opportunities whether here in finance or elsewhere in the aps. many of the ideas you’ve come up with are real game changers.

with that in mind we, the board are looking forward to seeing your detailed presentations.

recruitment govt job

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recent vacancies

icers to the job. jim: they've stepped up recruitment big time. the legislature just passed a bill to increase pay for state police but they are still among the lowest paid officers in the state. the maine state police say they

are down thirty positions, new recruits will come out of the recent class from the police academy but that's only about 10 new officers. police agencies saying with all of the police shootings officers have become targets and not surprising fewer people wanting

a career in law enforcement. >> any young person or even any middle aged person looking around the nation would have to ask themselves, do i want to put myself through this? because the pays not good the hours are long and right now there's a feeling that nobody is

in our favor and everyone is against us. >> it's nights and weekends, it's grueling and yosee a lot of bad things. it's low pay and a lot of hard work. the expectations of police officers and corrections

officers and deputies is very high. jim: sheriff reardon says they recently posted for a deputy sheriff position and only had one applicant and that plicant didn't meet the standards so he didn't get the job.

recent vacancies 2016

i am william davis, and that's jillian, she's great. this is my crew and tomorrow it's our turn to take over the world. "have a nice day boys!" "will tells me that you are about to start at johnson and johnson?" "will is finally going to be paid at la weekly, yes!" reporting for duty. "we don't have a job for you." "what do you mean?" "i mean we don't have a job for you....we've downsized." "i am broke."

"please, i need you to step up." "we've received close to a thousand resumes for the videographer position." "i took a look at your facebook page, nobody wants a birthday spanking from you." [mouths: "i do."] "i can't believe i have to sell my tv..." [women on the phone: 'will you got the job!"] "oh, yo-wait! come back." ["all you have to do is take a drug test."] "drug test, what is it multiple choice?" "heeyy, thats great!" "mr. willheimer, i wanted to thank you for this opportunity..." "well always on the lookout for fresh talent."

"i stepped up big time, and i got great news for us." "i got fired." "what?" "i'm ninety thousand dollars in debt and i spent two hundred and seventy nine dollars on a pair of shoes." "you're gonna get another job." "the moment that i saw you, i knew that you were someone to take seriously." "what am i gonna do for rent?" "hey roomie!" "jillian, can we talk?" "shhh, don't break her concentration!" "ight, jillian, i ne- i need you to step up!" [chorus of boo]

"oh my god." "i'm twenty-two years old and i have no idea what i'm gonna do with the rest of my life, and i am fine with that!" "charlie, got a job today." "oh, mcdonalds or tacobell?" "middle-school chemistry teacher." "sculpting minds." [explosion noise]

recent recruitment

there is a stranger who comes to this village from the sea. he comes in the winter, when people are hungry brings fish comes on the king tide. that was last night. talk. i believe that an enemy is coming from far away.

i'm looking for warriors, a stranger, others like him. i'm building an alliance to defend us . it's very important that i see this man. barry allen, bruce wayne. you said that, like it explains why there is a total stranger sitting in the dark,

in my second favorite chair. he said he'll fight with us? more or less. more more or more less? probably more less. he said no? he said no. look man, i don't know who you are

but, whoever you are looking for so, you're fast? that feels like an over simplification. i'm putting together a team, people with special abilities. you see, i believe enemies are coming. stop right there. i'm in! you are?

just like that? yeah. i.... i need friends. great. can i keep this? i heard about you. didn't think you were real.

i'm real when it's useful. arthur curry, i hear you can talk to fish.

recent jobs in kenya

have you heard of virtual bagel? their facebookpage has over 4,000 likes. they use the page to promote their brilliantbusiness model 'we send you bagels via the internet -- just download and enjoy.' it sounds like a joke, and it is, sort of.this page was set up by bbc technology correspondent rory cellan-jones in 2012. he wanted to find out what is the worth ofa like on a facebook page, so he bought some likes for virtual bagel. now there are twoways to buy 'likes', the legitimate way and the illegitimate way. the illegitimate way is to go to a websitelike boostlikes.com purchase some likes. you

can get 1000 for $70. sites like these use clickfarms in developingcountries like india, the philippines, nepal, sri lanka, egypt, indonesia and bangladesh. here employees are routinely paid just 1 dollarper thousand clicks of the like button. so facebook explicitly forbids buying likesthis way. instead they offer the 'legitimate' way topay for likes by advertising your page. prominently displayed is a link to "get more likes" withthe promise: "connect with more of the people who matter to you." and this is how virtual bagel got its 4000likes. rory cellan-jones paid 100 dollars

to facebook and the likes rolled in. he targetedhis ad to the uk and the united states, but also to countries like egypt, indonesia andthe philippines. now where do you think virtual bagel was most popular? i'll give you a hint,it wasn't the us or the uk. but within a day he had over 1600 likes mostly from developingcountries. now what was more problematic was the peoplewho followed virtual bagel looked suspicious. for example there was one cairo-based followerwhose name was ahmed ronaldo. his profile consisted almost exclusively ofpictures of cristiano ronaldo and he liked 3,000 pages. cellan-jones also observed that his new throngof fans was particularly disengaged, just

as you'd imagine those from a click-farm wouldbe. but he hadn't hired a click-farm, he had paid for facebook ads. this story was reported in july 2012. in august,facebook reported it had identified and deleted 83 million fake accounts (that was 9% of thetotal at the time). this resulted in noticeable drops for popular singers and celebrities. so did they delete all of the fake likes?nope, not even close. i know because most of the likes on my facebook page are not genuine. in may 2012, i received a number of emailsfrom facebook offering me $50 worth of free promotion of my page, which at the time hadonly 2,000 likes.

my youtube channel had twenty times that followingso i thought surely this free 'paid' promotion could help me reach more of the people whomattered to me. and immediately i could see results. within just a few days my likes hadtripled, and they kept on growing, thousands per day. and after a few months i had about 70,000facebook likes, which matched my youtube subscribers at the time. now what was weird was my postson facebook didn't seem to be getting any more engagement than when i had 2,000. ifanything, they were getting less engagement. i didn't understand why at the time, but ihave since realized it's because most of those likes i was gaining through facebook ads werenot from people who were genuinely interested

in veritasium. how do i know? well becausefake likes behave very differently from real followers. have a look at this graph of the engagementof my facebook followers. here i'm plotting countries as bubbles, so this is canada andthe size represents the number of likes i've received from that country. so this is theunited states, it's a nice big bubble. now i'm ranking these countries on the horizontalaxis based on what percentage of those likes have engaged with my page this month. so asyou can see roughly 30% canadians and americans have engaged with my page, but they're notas active as the germans where over 40% of my likes have engaged, and they are not asactive as the austrians a small but passionate

group of veritasium fans at nearly 60% these are all of the other western countries.so you can see that it's common for between 25% and 35% of my page likes to engage withmy page every month. now here is egypt, where less than 1% of mylikes have engaged with my page. now this is india, the philippines, pakistan, bangladesh,indonesia, nepal, and sri lanka. that's a big followings, but no engagement.together all of these countries make up 80,000 likes, that's roughly 75% of the total likesi had before the last video. and these are the profiles that followed me when i usedfacebook advertising. and they are worse than useless. here's why:

when you make a post, facebook distributesit to a small fraction of the people who like your page just to gauge their reaction.if they engage with it by liking, commenting, and sharing then facebook distributes thepost to more of your likes and even their friends.now if you somehow accumulate fake likes, facebook's initial distribution goes out tofewer real fans, and therefore it receives less engagement, and so consequently you reacha smaller number of people. that's how a rising number of fans can result in a drop in engagement. and from this facebook makes money twice over-- once to help you acquire new fans, and then again when you try to reach them. i meanyour organic reach may be so restricted by

the lack of engagement, that your only optionis to pay to promote the post. what's worse, there is no way to delete fakelikes in bulk -- all you can do is target posts around them. and i should re-iterate i never bought fakelikes. i used facebook's legitimate advertising, but the results are as if i had paid for fakelikes from a clickfarm. now you might think the solution to all thisis just to exclude countries with click-farms from your ad campaigns. but unfortunatelythe problem goes much deeper. meet virtual cat, a virtual pet like noneother. its page is committed to supplying only theworst, most annoying drivel you can imagine.

only an idiot would like this page. and that'snot just my opinion, that's actually what it says in the page description. and i should know because i wrote it. i createdthis page yesterday and i then paid $10 to advertise the page through facebook targetedonly to cat-lovers in the united states, canada, australia and the uk. now i expected thatbecause i had excluded all of the big click-farm countries and because the page is so terriblethat i basically wouldn't get any likes. but within 20 minutes i had blown through my wholebudget and i got 39 likes. so who are these people liking a blank page and costing me25 cents a piece? all of the profiles were all from the placesi had targeted, mostly the us, but there was

something strange about them. all of thesepeople liked a lot of things, like hundreds and thousands things. and a lot of the things they liked were oddtoo. like in one account this person liked t-mobile, at&t and verizon. they liked jeepand lexus and mercedes and volvo and volkswagon. they like everything. other accounts i saw,they liked kitchen scrubbers and they liked mouthwash. who reports that on their facebookpage? it just baffles me. so the real mystery to me is why someone,somewhere would click on ads they didn't care about without making money from them. i meani don't think these likes came from bots - they are too easy to identify and eliminate. andi also don't think for a second facebook would

pay click-farms to click on those ads to generaterevenue for them, so it really seems like a mystery. and then, in this article i found what i thinkis the most reasonable hypothesis. click-farms click the ads for free. in orderto avoid detection by facebook's fraud algorithms, they like pages other than the ones they'vebeen paid for to seem more genuine. i mean you can imagine 1000 likes on a particularpage coming from one geographic area in a short period of time would seem suspicious.but buried in a torrent of other 'like' activity? they would be impossible to identify. so workers at these click-farms will literallyclick anything. i mean where do you think

facebook's security page is most popular?dhaka, bangladesh. what about google? dhaka. what about soccer star david beckham? it'sactually cairo, but you take my point. so wherever you're targeting, advertisingyour page on facebook is a waste of money. i wish facebook would remove the fake likesfrom my page and all the others. but that would mean admitting that they have generatedsignificant ad revenue from clicks that weren't genuine, which then suppressed the reach ofpages who had low engagement, forcing those pages to pay again to reach inauthentic fans.so the truth is facebook benefits by maintaining this status quo because the reality is nobodylikes this many things.

recent jobs in abuja

hello? it's me. i was wondering if after allthese years you'd like to meet. just have a drive around. hello from the outside. all right, see you in a minute. great. >> hello. (cheers and applause).

>> james: oh, thank you. i appreciate it it's going to befun. >> great. >> james: you are looking fineright now. >> thank you very much, james. >> james: loving this bob. >> oh, thanks, thanks, verymuch. >> james: a triumph. >> don't i look like a mum.

>> james: i don't think so. it is more manageable. >> it dries quickly. >> james: than the life, youknow. >> i am going to use myhairline. i can't work out if i shouldwear a wig wig or have a weave. >> james: i mean, what i likeis that you are coming to me for this advice. (laughter).

>> james: do you mind if welisten to music. >> yes, it's such a shame it'srainingment i feel like americas are going to assume that englandis rubbish. >> james: ♪ hello ♪ ♪ dheersplaws toat i'm in california dreaming ♪ ♪ of about who weused to be ♪ ♪ it's no secret ♪ ♪ that the both of us ♪ ♪ arerunning out of time ♪ ♪. >> that was amazing. so hello from the outside ♪ ♪ atleast i can see that i'm trying ♪ ♪ to tell you i'm sorry ♪ ♪for breaking your heart ♪ ♪ but

it's clearly doesn't tear youapart ♪ ♪ any more ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ any more ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ any more ♪ ♪ no ♪ ♪come on ♪ ♪ >> james: you playing thedrums. >> i play the drums in this. >> james: no way! >> yes, yes. >> james: you're shredding onthe drums. you are. you-- that is what i have alwayssaid is that you are the female

phil colins. >> oh my gosh. >> james: no, no, oh no. >> i've got a new-- . >> you are driefg, what do yousay. >> james: i can hold it whileyou wipe down. >> i'm all right, i'm all right. >> james: no one is going tosee it. (laughter)>> .

>> james: you used to be. >> i have been drunk two nightsin a row recently. >> james: no. >> it's christmas. the other day i went with mybest friend, i'm not going to see him before christmas. i got there 7:45 and i'm sittingthere, it's like-- where is he. normally punk actual, i callhim, where are you, he said 8:45.

so i'm sitting here for an houron my own looking like such a loser. so i ordered a wine and then ihave never glass of wine and i spot a family, i when over, abit drunk. did you call my name, earlier? i had my security with me,sorry, being protechive, whatever. i did hear-- let me get a-- getyour meal for you. an i had another glass of wine,and my friend arrived, hi two

more glasses of wine, bear inmind i haven't had a drink in eight months. and the next day, in the parkwith my kid. and i find this e-mail addressin my pocket of another family from nashville who obviouslytold me it was sold out so managed to get them tickets tonashville. >> what happens when i'm drunk. one more glass of wine. >> james: just like--like-- guys,-- take me back to

the start. never mind ♪ ♪ i'll find someonelike you ♪ ♪ i wish nothing but the best for you ♪ ♪ don'tforget me ♪ ♪ i beg you ♪ ♪ i remember you said ♪ ♪ sometimesit lasts in love ♪ ♪ and sometimes it hurts instead ♪ ♪nothing compares ♪ ♪ no worries or cares ♪ ♪ regrets andmistakes ♪ ♪ they're memories made ♪ ♪ who would have known ♪♪ how bittersweet this was ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause)♪ never mind ♪ ♪ i'll find someone like you ♪ ♪ i wishnothing but the best ♪ ♪ for you

♪ ♪ don't forget me ♪ ♪ i beg ♪♪ i remember you said ♪ ♪ sometimes it lasts in love ♪ ♪and sometimes it hurts instead ♪ >> james: what do you listento in the car. >> i just put the radio on. i mean-- . >> james: but you used to be ahuge-- fan. >> but the other day, it was atape. >> james: no, you weregenuine. >> a huge moment in my life whenthey came out.

girl power, five ordinary girlswho just, like, did so well and just got out o, i want to getout. i just want to get out, and itwas a really important period of my life. >> james: didn't you used tohave-- party. >> on my own. with five girls but i used todo-- . >> james: who were you. >> i was always geri.

>> james: really? >> i love that and then sheleft. >> james: she left the band. >> it was the first time i wastruly heart brocken. >> james: when she left. >> yeah. >> james: is that what someonelike you is about? (laughter)♪ really, really want ♪ ♪ tell me what you want ♪ ♪ what youreally, really, really want want

so tell me what you want ♪ ♪what you really, really want ♪ i want a want a want ♪ ♪ a if youwant pie future ♪ ♪ forget my past ♪ ♪ if you want to get withme ♪ ♪ better make it fast ♪ ♪ now don't go wasting ♪ ♪ myprecious time ♪ ♪ get your act together ♪ ♪ we can be just fine♪ ♪ here is a story from a to z ♪ ♪ how to get to me listencarefully ♪ ♪ i'm in a place, you got to-- ♪ ♪ come for free ♪♪ tell me what you want ♪ ♪ [bleep](laughter) if you want to be my lover ♪ ♪>> james: you are from a

different place now, a happierplace. >> james: does it worry youyou won't be able to write the hits. >> i was worried about that, forsure. and i-- part of, you know, iwant-- i want my fans to come on like a journey with me. and it is one of the reasons inamed my album after my age as well. it's sort of polaroids, almost,of my life at that time.

>> james: i mean where do youthink will you stop. >> this is the last album aftermy age. >> i believe in trippity. >> james: i want it to belike 77 [bleep] >> james: leave me alone. >> oh my god. i will still do that. >> james: just me and my cat. >> bag lady, aren't i.

♪ be like you do ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ tell mewho do i do ♪ ♪ give me within i know ♪ ♪ there is-- all i ask ♪♪ this is my life ♪ ♪ now ♪ ♪ with you ♪ ♪ hold me like-- giveme a memory ♪ ♪. >> really good ♪ ♪ take me bythe hand ♪ ♪ oh we do ♪ ♪ it matters yeah ♪ ♪ but if inever-- ♪ ♪ >> james: you properly hangout with like-- you know, you hang with beyonce. >> i wouldn't say hang out. >> james: but you are friends.

>> we are very friendly when wesee each other. >> james: but have you everthought about getting your own squad like taylor swift has asquad. >> i have a squad, laura daniel. >> james: my hunch is if youput together a squad which was like you, beyonce, jenniferlawrence, she would bring amy schumer, and then like emmastone, taylor swift's squad would [bleep] themselves. >> but they're amazonian, i'malso tall.

>> james: you got-- i heard arumor, that you, this may be surprising some fans, are quitethe rapper. you can spit some rhyme. >> i'm not that talented on meown. >> james: but you can spitsome lyrics. you've got some rhymes in yourlocker. ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ wily wonka snroat ♪you can be the king ♪ ♪ but the quen conquers ♪ ♪ first thingsfirst, i eat ♪ ♪ and that's what i [bleep] to do ♪ ♪ from theland the monster do ♪ ♪ the

monster is you ♪ ♪ your moneyand the monster crew ♪ ♪ i'm alla all au up in the bang withthe funny face ♪ ♪ really, i don't give [bleep] ♪ ♪ forgetbarbie ♪ ♪ i will say ♪ ♪ to be child play ♪ ♪ kill anothercareer ♪ ♪ it's a mild day ♪ ♪ giving whiplash ♪ ♪ this is whatyou live for ♪ ♪ [bleep] >> james: so now your grammy,your oscar, all you need is an emmy and a tony. >> the tony is pretty unlikely. what am i going to be doing.

>> james: writing a hugemusical. >> i haven't got time for that. >> james: not right now but atsome point. >> what if i want kids-- . >> james: shut the front door. the sooner you realize that youare adele-- how do you do that. >> i say my life, it's me,adele. >> james: booking restaurants,do you have to go and they go and under what name and you goadele.

the adele. >> no,-- . >> james: and are they likesorry, no tables. and you go -- but when i say i'madele. >> then i have to get someoneelse to callk i can't drop me own name. >> james: that's my point. i call out the phrase, droppingthe a bomb, that is what i call it.

that is what i quite like. >> you have to do the j bombsometimes, don't you. >> james: not such a big deal,oddly. james. the james. no, not that one. no-- yeah, no. >> not that one either. >> james: it doesn't workquite as well for me as it does

for you. we could have had it all ♪ ♪rolling in the deep ♪ ♪ you had my heart and soul ♪ ♪ in yourhands ♪ ♪ never had met me ♪ ♪ and you played it ♪ ♪ to thebeat ♪ ♪ >> james: i've been thinkingabout it, and i think, and listen, you can say no to thisor just have a think about it. >> right. >> james: i think you needlike a-- you will be outnmed, because it is an emotionalnight.

a lot of people. i'm just saying, during the upnumbers, what about-- a front man. then i come up. >> oh ♪ you play it to the beat♪ ♪ and everybody go ♪ ♪ what, what, what ♪ ♪(cheers and applause). >> james: get your hands up ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ ♪ i was shooting for ♪ ♪ to the eo, e ♪♪ get your hands up, everybody ♪ ♪ what, what, what ♪ ♪ everybodyput your fist in the air now ♪ ♪

you could have had it all ♪ ♪you could have had it all ♪ ♪ ♪ come on, front to the left ♪ ♪keep your hands inside the car ♪ ♪ we could have had it all ♪ ♪we're rolling in the deep ♪ ♪ >> james: thank you so muchfor driving around with me. >> oh, thank you. >> james: it genuinely is apleasure. >> oh, good. i absolutely loved it.

recent jobs 2016

>> stephen: you know wherethat chalkboardwould not be blurred? on my live election nightspecial on showtime, 11:00 p.m. on the east coast, 8:00 p.m. inthe west. on this show "time" special --i will not be drawing penises,but there will be penises. ( laughter )folks, there are a lot of signsthe economy is improving, but there are still a lot of peopleout there struggling to findwork. did you know unemployment iscurrently 100% among america'sbilly bushes? ( laughter )and a friend of the show isabout to lose his job, so last week i helped him transition tohis second career.

jim? >> stephen: mr. president. good to see you again, sir. >> stephetephen. >> stephen: always the best. how did you get in here? >> stephen: oh, just-- you know,i'm always-- interested intalking to the leader of the free world. look, i am so thrilled to joinyou here at carnegie mellonuniversity.

and just like all the studentsout there taking part in thewhite house frontiers conference, you too will soon belooking for a new job. isn't that interesting? >> that is true. >> stephen: and i am honoredthat you asked me here to help. >> stephen, i didn't ask youhere to help. i still don't know how you gotin here. >> stephen: it's okay to benervous. all right?

why don't you have a seat? >> i'm already sitting. >> stephen: good. see it's starting off very wellalready. and i think maybe we shouldstart with a practice interviewand i've got just the man who could help you. excuse me one second. >> stephen? >> stephen: yes sir, just amoment.

>> hello. >> i'm randy. i'm the officer manager. >> hello, randy. >> stephen: all right. this is going to go very well. >> are you-->> stephen: okay. >> --intending to-- help mesharpen my skills-- when i go infor an interview? is that-- your intention here?

>> stephen: it's what i do for aliving. >> okay. >> stephen: we're here to findout what you're gonna do for aliving, okay? >> all right. let's try it out. >> stephen: 55. tough time to start over for aman. okay. i have a copy of your resumehere.

why don't you hand it to me asif you were applying for a job. go ahead and do it. that's good. you're a natural. ok. hello, mr. o'balmer. am i pronouncing that correctly? >> close enough. >> stephen: okay. let's see,papapapapa i don't see anypromotions for the last eight years.

that's not always good. can you explain that? >> honestly, there wasn't a lotof room for advancement in mylast job. the only one with a morepowerful position was my wife. >> stephen: oh okay. ah, good. uh-huh. is it a twofer? can we get both of you, by anychance?

>> doubtful. >> stephen: okay. so tell me why you're leaving. you say you're not beingterminated, but it sounds likeyou can't stay. is that true? >> well, i'm leaving becauseit's required by the 22ndamendment of the united states constitution. little tip. when you say staying in your jobwould be unconstitutional, whatemployers hear is that you stole

office supplies. okay? so i'd gloss over the rest ofthat, ok? >> ok. >> stephen: and doesn't sayhere. where were you born? ( laughter )>> really? >> stephen: is this the longestform of this resume available? >> why don't we move on?

>> stephen: okay, good. describe, if you can, the typeof office you would like to workin? >> well, i was hoping for a nicecorner office. or at least an office that hascorners in it. >> stephen: can you tell meabout some of youraccomplishments? and keep in mind it's importantto describe them in such a waythat it highlights how your experience might be relevant toa potential employer. >> okay, well-- i brokeredinternational deals that slowedthe impact of climate change and prevented iran from acquiring anuclear weapon.

>> stephen: okay, let's changethat to "proficient in microsoftexcel." anything else? >> well, i reopened relationswith cuba for the first time in50 years. >> stephen: i'd call that one"conversational spanish." si? it says here-- let me see if igot this right. it says here you saved theamerican auto industry. >> yeah, but nobody believes it. change that to "drives stick."

>> stephen: oh, that's good. in case you want to be a longhaul trucker. it also says here you-- youhelped tens of millions ofamericans with their healthcare. >> you bet. >> stephen: okay, let's testthat out. it hurts when i do this? >> don't do that. good. do you have any awards orcommendations?

>> well, i have almost 30honorary degrees and i-- i didget the nobel peace prize. >> stephen: oh really? what was that for? >> to be honest, i still don'tknow. >> stephen: okay, good. all right. and have you ever had to fireanyone? >> no i usually let seal teamsix handle that. >> stephen: okay, outsourcing.

okay good. now, social media, very hot. do you have any experience withthat? like twitter? >> well, i have 77 millionfollowers. does that count? >> stephen: that's veryimpressive. how'd you get so many? >> executive order.

>> stephen: really? >> and photos of cats. >> stephen: oh, smart. now, these days every businesswants to appeal to themillennials. you know what millennials are. >> i think so. how do you plan to get theirattention? >> well, i tell them straight upthat this is the most importantelection of their lifetimes. that they have the opportunityto make history.

and that the results in novembercould change their lives foreverso they have to get out there and vote. ( cheers and applause )>> stephen: i'm sorry. i didn't catch all of that. did you know there's a snapchatfilter that gives you a flowercrown? >> of course i know that,stephen. let's be honest with ourselves,okay? what would you say your biggestweakness is? >> well, sometimes-- when italk--i take--

too many pauses. in three words or less what's acommon criticism you have forothers in the workplace? >> i cannot stand it when peoplereduce complex ideas to somesimplistic catch phrase. >> stephen: we can't accept thatanswer. >> yes, we can. let's see. almost done. do you have a busy schedule? am i keeping you from something?

>> you are. is there anyone we can talk tofor a character reference? >> i know several turkeys thatowe me a favor. >> stephen: all right. good toknow. and how do you like to spendyour time? do you have any hobbies? >> you know what i really lovedoing? is encouraging the youth ofamerica to get out and vote thisnovember so that the good work that we've done over the pasteight years can continue on intothe future.

>> stephen: so no whittling oranything like that? >> no-->> stephen: okay. and-- now sir, because we are ona network television show, icannot allow you to endorse a candidate right now. but i do-- i would like to askyou about your choice of snacks. could i do that? >> sure. >> stephen: all right great. i have two choices for you here.

would you care for an extrafiber nutrient bar, which hastraveled to more than one hundred countries, or thisshriveled tangerine covered ingolden retriever hair, filled with bile that i wouldn't leavealone with the woman i love? >> well, i think i'll go withthe fiber nutrient bar. >> stephen: interesting. so, ultimately, what do you wantto be? >> done with this interview? >> stephen: okay, great. before we wrap up any questionsfor me?

>> i'm still wondering how didyou get in here? >> stephen: that's an excellentquestion. inquisitive. we like that. fantastic. well, that all checks out,mr. president. we'd like to offer you theposition. but first we have to have themandatory company physical. if you'll just-- relax and puton that gown over there we willget going.

>> i think we're done here. >> stephen: i have warm hands. ( cheers and applause )thank you! thank you mr. president! >> stephen: we'll be right backwith bill o'reilly.